Are things looking up?

Posted: June 10, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

I’ve been seeing a shrink for about 8 weeks now and just talking about my situation and knowing that many things are out of my control so instead of trying to control everything, accept more of life as is and stay calm. I’ve learnt that the large amounts of stress at work cause a huge lack of sleep with only 3-4 hours a night and I’m in the process of changing things up to reduce this.

Basically all in all, things have somewhat improved on the work front, however, the home front sadly hasn’t. My fiancée and I had a huge discussion about changing the way we do things and ensuring we spend more time together. The problem is though, it appears to be a one way streak… I’m sick of spending 4 hours in the kitchen making a meal purely of love and simply doing it for her only for her to come home 3 hours late from work thus finding myself eating alone. It really sucks that all that effort into someone else gets wasted. I wouldn’t have made that meal for myself as I simply don’t need to pamper myself with a huge meal, however, I do these things for her only and she shrugs it off as if I should do it anyway.

When did helping out or doing little things for your partner be accepted as a responsibility that one must do? I refuse to give in to that, instead I believe these things should be done from the heart and as such should be seen as to come from there thus making every bit of help and every small gesture to one another all the more special. It would bring a couple closer, but instead tension grows and in the end you find yourself as a bloke giving up and doing little to help in the house at all of which only makes things worse. Yet, if only she just opened her eyes and realises that there is no other reason other than HER for us helping out which frankly should be quite humbling to think someone is giving up their time and efforts to help you in the house, after all, it’s not like many women come out into the yard and help us blokes do the wedding, pruning the tree’s, mowing the lawns etc. So in the end we have a one sided relationship where by the bloke gives up due to exhaustion of trying to please her or otherwise keep surprising her.

Here I sit, due to be married this year and I look at everything going on and just wonder if it’s worth it at all? I really wanted kids and I don’t want my judgement to be clouded by that fact and nor do I want to bring a child up in a split family so I really need to consider what it is I really want, and how she is going to help in playing a key role in making that happen. Ultimately if these problems continue I’m not going to remain in a relationship out of remaining in a comfort zone and nor will I have kids out of pure selfishness only to have them brought up in a broken home.

Anyway, the positives out of all this is that I’m feeling much happier at the moment and work has been much better. I’m half way there!

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