Perfectionism

Posted: July 8, 2013 in Uncategorized
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Perfectionism is a term that gets thrown around from time to time, but has anyone considered how it can actually effect people in a negative manner? I say negative manner, but in hindsight it could possibly be just as positive when reflecting on something you’ve done or a project you’ve completed.

For me it’s a negative attribute I feel I have. In ways I feel it does assist me in doing the best I can, but majority of the time I find it a burden on everything I do. I have so many projects at home and work I know I can do and find them fantastic time spenders, however, here is a fine line between starting and finishing something, and spending time to ensure it’s the best possible project of it’s kind.

Take painting for instance. I’ve been in the process of painting my house for some time. We moved in to a lovely place, however, it was completely pale pink. A disgusting colour I’ve wanted to rid of since we moved in. 3 years on and we’re still putting up with some of it.I started painting with the view of doing a room at a time. By painting a room at a time, I could furnish it completely, shut the door and know that it’s 100% complete. This is a great idea although when factoring me into the equation, it’s a bad idea. It took me 4 weeks to paint 1 room; a long time I know, but why? I’m a perfectionist! Each line, each brush MUST be perfect and if not I do it again. This is so depressing and draining on me sometimes as I just want to finish something although I just can’t fathom starting something and doing a half ass job only to go back and have to do it again.

My long time dream is to have some acreage where I can grow my own food and kill for my own meat. This might sound prehistoric, however, the idea of going to the shop and buying what ever we like I think just takes away from the intimacy of eating the food. Since when did we lose the respect for the food on our plate? We take for granted the ability of throwing something on our plate with no idea how it got to the shop in the first place. I feel by killing your own food brings a respect and care for the food you eat and ensures you enjoy it that much more.

I have a relatively large space in the front yard I have an image of converting into a vegie patch, however, my perfectionism is getting in the way and I fear starting it and failing. Why do I have a fear of failing? Is is something I’ve been brought up with or developed along the way? I’ve fallen off bikes or hurt myself doing things due to my mistakes and failing and have managed to pick myself up and go again, again, and again. Why is it though when something large scale comes up and the fear of failing knowing others will see it effects me so much? The image I have of the completed front yard is one that is quite defined and in many ways “Professional” in look and touch and to fail this look will kill me inside. Knowing that my failing is the only way I can learn plays hand in hand with my fear of failing and being judged by my failures.

No great man/woman rich or poor has ever succeeded without failing. Those humble failings make us who we are and here I am holding myself back from these lessons that could otherwise define my character.

I will create this garden and after this wedding, I’m placing my focus on getting it done in time for spring! Hoorah!

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